I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
