I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
