Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm too high and old for this...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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