Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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