We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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