Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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