dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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