trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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