I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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