no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
