You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
try to milk me bitch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
