Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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