i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
