i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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