My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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