your parents love me but you hate me
Do you still have your period?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
