so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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