I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
