I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize