Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
