Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
