Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Blood and glitter go together right?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
