none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
