i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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