And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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