If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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