Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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