I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
