so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
