So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
