I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
