You made me cry and you don't even care
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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