I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
