You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
