You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
