Already got asked if we're dating
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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