Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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