the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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