Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
