dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
