she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
