i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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