So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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