We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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