I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
