Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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