Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
