I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
