I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
