when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
