We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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