am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
