Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize