Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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