I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
please come you make the beer taste better
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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