Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize