I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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