Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
