I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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