In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
