Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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