I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
