At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So apparently I’m into choking now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
