I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
