look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
