when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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