We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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