I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
