Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
