Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
