i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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