My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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