your room smells of hookers.
And success
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
