i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We left an ass print on the piano.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
