on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
