I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
