I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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