Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
