he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
