Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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