we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
