It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
