He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize