she was so not down for the gang bang
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize