guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
