Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize