The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm like, not good at living.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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