just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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