My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
