i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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