Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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