how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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