Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
