I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
