so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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