OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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