Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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