I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found puke in my bra..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
