I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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