Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
