I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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