need another drink. this is the easiest way
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
